smashing the perfume bottle

For my thirty somethingth birthday I thought I would finally choose a perfume for me - one that I love, that my husband loves, one that is ME in a bottle. It was going to be a life defining moment, to finally find that one fragrance that is the 'essence of ME'!
After an hour and a half of sniffing every perfume in the plaza, I came home stinking of perfume, with a gigantic headache and a realisation that perfume and me are not to be. My husband thought I stank too and was soon sharing my headache, thus abruptly ending my romantic fantasies of me and my perfume together forever fairytale - back to Mitchum baby powder scented roll-on (apparently so effective you could skip a day!)
I wish I did love a perfume and that it didn't seep into my veins, slowly emitting toxins into my blood and poisoning me with allergens.
One of my favourite Jesus stories happens just before he is crucified. A woman smashes a perfume bottle at his feet, bathing his feet with her tears and the expensive fragrance, drying his feet with her hair. The perfume fills the room with the aroma of extravagant love.
Apparently that perfume would have been worth a years salary. It was probably her life savings. What an extraordinary sacrificial gift. Ultimately that woman was giving away all she was worth and her future savings for just a moment's display of affection. Some in the room said it was such a waste. Really, that perfume could never be put in that bottle again to be used or sold. She gave away everything she had to show her love for one man - smashing her future hope and trust in anything other than him. What a beautiful moment to be a part of, I can imagine watching the intimacy of that moment, with the perfume surrounding me and filling every pore - how alive that woman must have felt, really she was pouring herself out.
I'm sure she didn't know how significant her gift was to him, or how it would mirror the gift that he was about to give to her. He was about to smash his own perfume bottle. His body would be whipped to within an inch of death, thorns piercing into his head and through his skull, nails through his hands and feet, ripping his limbs as his body hung on them, the weight of his body crushing his lungs until finally he breathed his last. Such a violent and inhumane death, it could almost seem a waste of a life. But as his body was broken, his perfume filled the earth - the perfume of forgiveness, grace, mercy and love - that if we let it, will wash away the brokenness, pain and emptiness in our life, and fill us with the very life and love of God.
It was a divine exchange - she gave away her savings and any hope she held in material things and she gave him her heart. He gave away the very life of God so that she could have real God life. He became poor so that she could become rich in him. He suffered pain and humiliation so that she could be healed and made whole.
It's in those moments of sacrificial love, when it feels as if we are being broken ourselves, that true love is a fragrance about us. Whether it is those sleepless nights caring for a baby, the times when you are doing everything for your kids to see them do well and to not be appreciated, the times when you really don't have time but you give someone a call to bless them or bake them a meal, the times when you wake early to pray for those in need, or give a financial gift when you don't have enough for yourself - that is when your love is a sweet aroma in your life. Its only when the perfume bottle is broken that the fragrance about you is one of extravagant love.

completely nuts

If you didn't have a chance to follow along on our Darwin blog, please click on the link and have a read.
When our feet finally hit the ground I'm hoping to write back on here again on why I'm completely nuts taking 3 little ones on a missions trip and why it was completely worth it:) lol

darwinadventure.tumblr.com

off to Darwin

We're off to Darwin in a few days. I've started a tumblr just for the trip. I'm hoping to do a short blog each day with some of the highlights of doing a missions trip as a family. You're welcome to follow along at darwinadventure.tumblr.com .

traveling companions

I'm so excited! In just a few weeks time we'll be off on our adventure! This is something we've all been waiting for, not just because we are going to Darwin (somewhere we've never been before, which is really cool. I just can't wait to see crocs in their natural habitat - argh!), but this our family's first missions trip all together. Mark has been on heaps of trips overseas since having kids, and Josiah was born in Japan when we were serving there. But now we have our complete family of five and we'll be doing this all together.
Something we really believe makes up the DNA of our family is changing the world together. We want to raise our kids to have confidence that they can change the world, and we want to do that by showing them the way and including them while we have a go at it ourselves.
So off we're going to Darwin, where our home church has just started a new church run by our good friends Troy and Nicole.
It's got me thinking about traveling companions and journeys. It would be so easy to just jet off on my own, leaving the kids behind, and go on a superwoman world changing expedition, at super lightning speed, nothing to hold me back, no extra bags to carry, no extra mouths to feed, no nappies to change. And believe me - that is very tempting, and may still happen one day!
But for this journey - we are doing it together! And that means things are going to have to go at a different pace, have a bit of a different feel, and have a little extra grace and patience added.
Have you ever been for a long drive with your kids? Lots of potty stops, vomit stops, games of eye-spy, and especially sleeping tigers. The drive definitely has a different pace. You can definitely have a deep conversation with your husband, just with lots of interruptions.
One long drive we had, I made pirate maps for the kids, that led all the way to our holiday place and had pictures of things to circle as we passed them on the way. Other times we've pretended the car was a giant spaceship that sped and jumped and twisted and turned along the way.
What I love is when my oldest has some deep question to ask, and I have hours to explain in imaginative ways the meaning of life, creation, God, space and boogers.
I love that as we journey together, our kids grow up, they learn new things, and we get the chance to walk alongside them and help them to discover things that they haven't seen before. I love that we can pray together. Whether we are building a sand castle together or God's kingdom, we can have fun and enjoy our adventure of life as a family.

embracing life

This morning after pressing snooze on my phone about 5 times, I finally woke up at 6:30 and opened up my Bible on my iphone, which was open at Psalm 139, specifically these verses:

"certainly you made my mind and heart; you wove me together in my mother's womb. I will give you thanks because your deeds are awesome and amazing. You knew me thoroughly; my bones were not hidden from you, when I was made in secret and sewed together in the depths of the earth. your eyes saw me when I was inside the womb. All the days ordained for me were recorded in your scroll before one of them came into existence."

One of my favourite Psalms, that I've read over and over - but today it suddenly awoke in me something new, and was just the thing I needed to hear. 

While I struggle with my mind and my heart, He not only knows my thoughts and emotions, but he created my mind and my heart - He understands me intricately, more than I know myself. He has grace for the way I think and feel and act, and though perhaps the way I work/feel/think seems strange to me, He actually created me that way. He knows me thoroughly. He gets me!

What a relief to know that I am loved so thoroughly, so knowingly. He made me, and what he makes is awesome and amazing. Though I don't know how I will get over the hurdles in front of me, especially sometimes the internal ones, He knows. 

He has written a book about me, about my life, every single day, in beautiful intricate detail, about every day to come. And He is the most creative, interesting, deep and thoughtful writer. 

Through all the twists and turns of the story, the low points, the high points, only He knows how the story will end. And all I know is that the ending will be good and perfect.

And so today, though the journey may take me through a dark valley, I will embrace the story, I will endeavor to make it to the next page and the next chapter. 

You are the heroine of His story, and He is your hero.

^{Jeremiah 29:11 - 13} 

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

Masterchef vs Supermum!

Are you having Masterchef withdrawals? I am. Every night at 7:30 I sit down on my comfy lounge with a big sigh of relief, the kids are in bed, my toasty heater is on, my best friend snuggled up beside me. After a hard day at work, I’m now ready to be entertained!

When Gary and George don’t bounce up on my screen, my feet begin to jitter, my stomach rumbles, my left eye twitches, and I found myself furiously searching the pantry, as if it were some gigantic mystery box calling on me to make an amazing three course dessert. Sugar – check, butter – check, cocoa – check. Three ingredients you can make anything with!

Who will be the winner tonight? My stomach or my hips?! …if only I had some cream….

Sorry… I completely forgot what my point was, I had to duck into the kitchen for a piece of last night’s mud cake, warmed in the microwave with a quenelle of ice-cream on top (formerly known as a 'scoop' of ice-cream). I know its only 10am, but don’t judge me! I am a very busy and important mum of 3 who needs her vitamins!

Which brings me back to my point about how being a supermum is just like being on masterchef. 

Most days you are served up the Mystery Box. What is under the lid today? Placed before you is a mix of teething baby, 5 year old birthday party, toddler peed on the floor, clothes on the line got rained on, mangos, and a zit on your nose …. Can you make a masterpiece? Will you be today's winner?

On other days you have, my favourite, an invention test – ‘its Saturday, you’re a family of 5, the theme is “fun!”. Can you make some “fun” today?’ I’m sure whatever you think of will be great. You can never add enough sugar!

Then you have your team challenge days, where its tag at the car, while you juggle groceries, meetings, going to the gym, picking up kids, dropping off babies, stopping arguments, cooking dinner, baths, reading books and finish just in time to collapse into bed.

There are some days where it’s all you can do to keep from being eliminated! Ever been surrounded by judges in the biscuit aisle with a screaming toddler wrestling your leg and you just want to melt into the floor?

While life is throwing at you every kind of challenge imaginable, somehow making it through all this is a beautiful little life in your hands, shining brightly with joy and love and giggles.

A mother’s love gently molds the soul, warms the edges, sweetens the bitterness, stirs out the lumps and sugar-coats the cracks, hides from judging eyes, tasting along the way to add a little salt, or cook a little longer, using every last drop of patience, step by step turning some raw ingredients into a rich, smooth, tasty, interesting, beautiful and delicious life.

Where the power comes from ....

I heard a wonderful mum of 6 girls say this week that we are not super mums, we are super natural mums!
So true!
While I'm not going to change the title of my blog, its awesome to be reminded that the real power comes from God!
He created our kids. He made them individually unique and wonderful, He intricately designed their minds and planted wonderfully imaginative dreams inside them. He knows their future. He knows their thoughts. He knows who they will marry. He has amazing plans for them.
And He plops all of that into our hands as a completely smoochable bundle of pooping and spewing, gurgling, goo-ing and gaa-ing baby.
Do you remember bringing the first one home from hospital? I remember leaving the hospital and walking past the reception desk and asking 'can I take him home now?' (of course in Japanese) and thinking... I can just walk out of here with this baby... no guidebook... no accountability...i don't have to pay anything... he's free... really you trust us to care for him?
What a bizarre feeling... a bit like being given the keys to some brand new expensive sports car and having no idea how to drive it, where to put the keys, what all the buttons do... and where are the brakes!
But for some reason, God trusts us with this little life.
All I can do is hold out this crying baby and look up to God and say "help".
I find that whenever I think that I have to have it all together, whenever I'm trying my very best, whenever I'm trying to control every variable and put on my biggest smile, that really I feel so weak and strained and stressed and tired and completely incapable and afraid.
But when I shrug my shoulders, collapse on my knees (or on my face), when I hand it all over to Him and say "I really have no idea, help me", that's when His presence comes, thats when His peace comes - above all my limited understanding - and He says "its ok, I'm here".
Without Him we're empty vessels wandering around aimlessly. But with Him we have life in abundance and fullness. In my weakness, He is my strength. In my uselessness, His grace is enough, it carries me, it sustains me.