PND handbag - some things to pack for the journey

Well, I had a lot of feedback from the last post on post-natal depression. I felt like I put my heart right out there on a platter! But I know that's how God wants to use my right now, so that's cool.
This is going to be a bit more of a practical post. If you're going through it right now, you probably want to feel that you're not alone, but I just want to share a few things that have helped me so much and I hope can help you too.

things to pack in your handbag and use when needed - some everyday:
- SUNSHINE - get some vitamin D EVERYDAY! lack of vitamin d is linked to depression, just sitting on the back step in the sun for five minutes watching the birds and breathing can help so much
- VITAMIN B deficiencies are also linked with depression. I notice a huge difference in my mood when I take vitamin B supplements regularly and when I don't.
- EXERCISE - even though you feel like crawling up in a ball, you have to make yourself get some exercise. Exercise releases endorphins which make your brain feel good, get your heart pumping. You will notice a difference after a few days.
- TAKE A BREAK - have a little 'me' time. Try and remember something that you used to do before the baby came along that made you feel good, feel like yourself and feel relaxed. Maybe you love reading a good book while lazing in the shade, or going out for a coffee and cake, or watching your favourite show. Ask someone if they can come over for a little while and mind the baby so you can go out. Or go out for a walk as soon as your husband comes in the door. Don't feel guilty! You need it! You will come back happier and more relaxed:)
- go on a DATE with your husband or partner! He needs you too and you may just have some fun! Remember what its like to just be the two of you:) We have regular date nights, whether we go out or stay at home, we make sure that we get time that's just for the two of us, without interruptions. Eat your favourite food, watch a dvd, go for a bushwalk, go bowling, whatever you love to do together - do something fun! After our first baby was born, my husband and I managed a date for about 40 minutes to eat some spaghetti at an italian restaurant up the road, until my mum called to say that the baby was screaming! Don't worry, it will get easier and the dates will get longer. Don't be afraid to leave your baby with someone who can care for them. They may cry, but they will be ok.
- A COUNSELLOR - can help with good coping strategies, and is someone who you can talk to who is outside of the situation, unbiased and unjudgemental. A community health centre may be able to help you find a good counsellor. Believe me, it won't be as bad as you think it will be - be brave!
- GOOD FRIENDS - if you haven't got someone that you feel can understand you and your situation, pray for a good friend and be on the lookout for one. It's so helpful to have a good friend that you can vent with and who can encourage and reassure you. Try and meet up with a more experienced mum whom you look up to, there is so much advice and grace from some wonderful mums out there!
- and lastly - give yourself a break! This is not the time to be worrying about cooking three course gourmet meals (unless of course that gives you great joy!) and making your house spotless! I gave up on the eternal quest for skinniness, just because I didn't need another pressure and unrealistic expectation on my life, and because chocolate makes me feel better:) Being a mummy is a huge learning curve, embrace it, learn, try and try again, but don't beat up on yourself. Everyday is a new day and you can do it! You are amazing! You're not perfect and you're going to make mistakes. But you are beautiful and amazing and strong and you can do it.

Ok, some of you may have noticed that I didn't say to pack your Bible into your handbag. I've had days were the words of the Bible were just a blur before me! What I have needed though is to be on my knees before God pouring my heart out to Him. God is the one who will get you through. Ask Him for a promise and He will give you something strong that you can stand on. He will light the path before you, even if it is just one step at a time.

Lots of love,
Sarah x

Jeremiah 29
¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity...."

i make people!

ok, I'm not making anymore people, just to clear up any rumours! But I love this pic I just saw. It completely reaffirms my latest thoughts on the celebration of the mummy body! (not just the pregnant one). You made kids! You gave birth to them, maybe even breast-fed them! You are amazing! Celebrate the curves!!!!

10 things I've learnt from having had post-natal depression, part 1

Well, I've been wanting to write this post for a while, and I think it might even be a few posts, because there is so much that I want to encourage you with.
I particularly want to write this for those who are going through post-natal depression, to give you some hope and to let you know that you are going to make it and everything is going to be ok. But also, to raise awareness for those who don't know what post-natal depression is.
I was so surprised to learn just how many people I know have had post-natal depression at some time, but it wasn't until I told people that I had it, that they would tell me. There is such a stigma about it, and before I had it I also had ideas about what it was that weren't correct, making it even harder for me to come to terms with having it myself.
So first, and this is probably the hardest part, I want to paint a picture of what post-natal depression was like for me. For those who haven't had depression, I hope that this will help you understand the darkness of depression, and for those that are going through it, I hope that you will feel that you are not alone.
So here goes ...
My pregnancy with my most adorable third child was a particularly hard pregnancy. I had some back problems, and at times couldn't walk or sit, and needed physio, I also had constant headaches, although I didn't have much nausea. We were very excited to be having our third baby, but the physical side of it was taking a toll on my body, and made it harder to pick the kids up and all their things! My husband joked, to get the kids to pick things up - that's why God made them so close to the ground:)
I was really praying and believing that I would not be induced again for the third time, and that I would go into labour naturally and continue the labour naturally. A day before I was due to be induced, I texted all my friends to pray for labour to come on, and it was only a few hours before it did! Praise God!
It was the best labour ever, 4 hours and we ended up with our beautiful baby boy, who was 11 pounds 2 ounces! He was healthy and strong but because of his weight the hospital wanted to monitor him and he was put in the NIC Unit, which ended up being for a week, after he was put on antibiotics for an infection. He was so well looked after, but I became so sleep deprived from having to go down to the NIC Unit a few times a night to feed, and not being able to get back to sleep afterwards.
Well, you expect some sleepless nights with a newborn, and really he was a healthy little baby boy. But a few weeks later I was still feeling physically exhausted, and more than that, I was feeling emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausted. I could feel it in my brain, a sense of numbness, lots of crying for no reason (me, not the baby), an inability to do the simplest things like cook dinner, clean up, read to the kids. There was no joy in me. But I kept on plodding on, thankful that I have a husband who is so generous and giving.
Ok, this must be the baby blues, I'll feel better in a few weeks.
But in a few weeks I didn't feel better. I felt just as exhausted and so emotional. I didn't feel in control of myself and I didn't feel like myself.
At first it really was a physical thing, I could feel the chemicals in my body pulling me down and it felt like my hormones had turned completely upside-down and were not behaving at all the way they were supposed to. But it wasn't long before my thinking followed my feelings down. There seemed to be no boundary to the darkness of my thoughts.
It truly was a dark depression, and I don't think I'll go into the details of that at this time. In the mornings I didn't want to get out of bed, or even feel like I was able to. The slightest incident with the kids would set me crying and feeling like I couldn't cope. If the baby wouldn't settle I would be a mess, and at times had to just put him in the cot upset, just so I could take a breath. My poor husband was getting calls from me bawling a few times a day, just so he could encourage me, or so that I could talk to someone. He would come home and do the washing and cook dinner and play with the kids and bath them, usually I would be breast-feeding and looking after the baby, so this was the arrangement we had for a season, but I could not have been able to get through it without him.
After about two months, I realised I had post-natal depression. I took the online test at beyondblue.org.au. There is also some helpful information on there. My score was very high. I went to the baby clinic and was able to talk to a very helpful community worker there who referred me to the counsellor. I was on a waiting list, but in the meantime the community worker came to visit me every week. She was a christian lady. And she encouraged me so much. I didn't know that help was available. The counsellor ended up being a christian lady too, which was good for me, because she could understand my life view. It was free to see her as much as i needed to - that was a blessing!
But the big deal thing was, until now, I hadn't told anyone what I was going through. I only my husband knew. It was such a huge thing for me to reveal my weakness to anyone. I didn't know how they would react, would they still accept me, would they understand, would they help me? I told me mum and my sister and a few friends, all with different reactions. But the biggest reaction was that people helped me.
It had always been such a big deal to ask anyone for help. But having post-natal depression made me ask people for help, I simply could not do this on my own. Practical help, like cooking a few dinners, minding the kids for a while so I could get out, these things blessed me so much - and for a short time I felt much better, just knowing that people cared. But it didn't take the depression away.
I have so many things I want to share, but that's a lot for today.
Once I started telling people, I stopped judging myself, and decided that I didn't care what people thought about me, but I needed to be honest and transparent, hiding it would only make it worse. I was surprised by how many people could relate or had been through it before.
Asking for help is so important. You'll be surprised by how willing people are to help a  friend or even a stranger in need, if they only know that you need help. Wouldn't you want to help someone in that situation too? So don't be afraid to ask for help. Through being vulnerable with others and showing my weakness, I believe that I've been able to develop even better friendships, deeper and more real.

Angels watching over

This new book coming out looks beautiful and encouraged me as a mum. With my second little one starting kindy next year, I think about how she will get along without me. Have a look at the promo clip for Gabby, God's little angel - it's gorgeous! http://youtu.be/sfwhWae_h04

Beauty and other fairytales

I was watching 'the devil wears Prada' with my besty last night (what a good man!) There are some really sad moments in this movie - when her boss tells her that she decided to hire her, 'the smart fat girl'. Tears well up in her eyes - of course she is beautiful and not fat at all! But something happens that day and she begins to conform to the image set before her. Her workmate hasn't eaten for weeks so that she can be skinny enough to go to Paris - she is 'only one stomach flu away from her goal weight'. In the end the distinct contrast is seen between the image of skinny, rich, successful and the reality of alone, sad, betrayed and cruel.
For us girls, this beauty, image, skinny thing can be a big deal. I think about what I want for my daughter, especially when I'm walking past all the teenage fashion shops. Do I want her to be a teenage girl obsessed with her image and always thinking that she is not pretty enough and not skinny enough?
I remember when I was in year 6. We went on our first school camp and were going canoeing. In our group of 3 we had to decide the heaviest in the group, who would sit at the back of the canoe. This was the first time that I remember thinking that I was fat, I don't think I'd ever thought it before. Even though I was a normal weight, I was the heaviest of the three. This moment began my battle with my self image and later on a season of bulimia. 
As an adult, my weight has gone up and down. When we first lived in Japan I was maybe slightly over the weight I should have been for my height. But in the Japanese people's eyes, I was a giant. The women didn't have any qualms with telling you that you were fat, and quite enjoyed pointing it out to you. I love that my husband always loves me and adores me no matter what my body shape - pregnant, post-pregnant and all! This has certainly helped me to have a healthy body image at times. 
There is so much to explore on this topic and I think I'll come back to it. My daughter is climbing on my back and its time for an activity. I tell her everyday that she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world. Maybe that's what your daddy God is saying to you today.
I'll leave you with a verse:
Romans 12:2
²Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].

Beautiful

I'm really enjoying listening to Kari Jobe at the moment, especially 'You are for me' and 'Beautiful'. I'm loving taking the time to just dwell in His presence. The end of the holidays brings some business but also some time to just chill while bubs is asleep.
I'm reading a book called 'love, acceptance and forgiveness'. The last chapter has been about taking away all the rules of religion and just allowing yourself to be His, and to share His love with others naturally and organically just as you are, not because you should or because you have an agenda for people, but just to love people because you love them. I don't know how I can love others, other than simply knowing that I am loved and dwelling in His love. I make excuses too often for not just sitting with my Lord, at His feet. There's so much to do, important things, but only temporary things, the time I spend with Him can sometimes even become a means to an end. But what is wrong with being with Him and in His love simply because He is the desire of my heart and I love Him and He loves me?

holidays

Ideas for less work in the holidays:
*if you're playing inside, you can wear pajamas
*if you're playing outside, you can wear your outside play clothes - one set, washed once a week
*or dress-ups only allowed
I must admit that I have haven't stuck very well to this plan this week because we keep going out and getting dressed into adventure clothes that come back covered in sand and grass stains.
*get back into 'one toy at a time', 'pack away before you get the next thing out'. (easier said than done when you've got three running around and miss the transition from one toy to the next)
* I put out a plastic box for them each to put in their craft and drawing when they're finished. I'll sort it at the end of the hoildays and keep the good stuff (when they're at school and have forgotten about the amazing toilet roll dolls and pages and pages of practise words and stick drawings!)

One wise mum once told me that holidays aren't about mums getting refreshed, but about creating memories for the whole family. But if you can, take some time out to get refreshed, hang out with a few friends, go on a date with your man, or a quiet bush walk.
What memories can you create this week? We plan to create memories with our family and visit our favourite secluded nature retreat, go for long exploring adventures, have rugged up afternoons watching movies and playing card games, long drives and long chats and lots of cuddles. I hope you have a lovely holiday!